As I trotted up the centre line to do a well-practised, familiar test as part of the riding club dressage team I got to “C” and my mind went completely and utterly blank.
Having ridden since I was five years old and completed countless dressage tests, I was absolutely horrified by what had happened. My heart was racing as I realised I had let the whole team down. I felt sick!
My team mates were so kind and understanding, but I was so ashamed and embarrassed, I couldn’t wait to get loaded up and to head for home. All the way home I kept thinking it over in my mind, and to make the day even worse I then got lost on a route I regularly travelled.
I arrived home a gibbering wreck and wondered if I might be going mad!
I put the day behind me and put it down to a crazy busy diary and juggling family and work life. Several weeks later on a different horse at a different venue I was in another riding club team at a show jumping competition. I had walked the course and was happy.
I jumped what I thought was a lovely clear round, feeling my mojo was back only to be told I had missed number five out!! My heart dropped as quickly as my smile as I was greeted by more understanding, if slightly disappointed team members.
I left that competition feeling like my competition days in any team were over.
Admittedly I had occasionally suffered from the odd bout of my heart pounding combined with hot flushes in the months leading up to these competitions. I had put those down to my age; probably to be expected a woman in her early to mid 40’s.
However, I had no idea that the itchy skin I had been suffering from (I thought it was the wrong shower gel or a reaction to washing powder), the forgetfulness, anxiety, aching joints, constant exhaustion, ability to put on weight just by glancing at a Malteser and complete desire to be on my own were all part of something called the perimenopause?
Who knew?
Most people have heard of the hot flushes but there are actually 70 possible symptoms of perimenopause including all that I had been suffering from plus BRAIN FOG! Without going into too many details I ticked enough of those 70 possible symptoms for me to realise I wasn’t going mad and that I might need some help.
How in this day and age of so much amazing medical advances had I got to my age and never even heard of the Perimenopause? I had heard of Menopause of course – but got the feeling that no one really talked about it, but Perimenopause – nope, never heard of it!
Fast forward to the first lockdown and time on my hands and I discovered podcasts. This is where I discovered so much about the peri and menopause, thanks to both Dr Louise Newson and Liz Earle who have podcasts full of everything you need to know.
This is a subject that over half the population needs to understand and talk about.
A great resource I found was an e-book by Liz Earle – “The truth about HRT” which costs just £4.99.
I discovered there are actually many health benefits from using transdermal HRT. Most available types are made from wild yams which are body identical and also suitable for vegans.
I learnt that by simply topping up our hormones we can reduce the risk of heart disease, diabetes and Alzheimer’s not to mention guard against osteoporosis which is pretty important when my life involves a risk sport. Why wouldn’t anyone think about trying it?
I muddled on for a while, but what eventually spurred (forgive the pun) me on to do something about it was the fact I was due to sit a BHS exam and what I was dreading more than anything else was having a brain fog moment mid exam.
So, I plucked up the courage to go to see a doctor. Armed with information to make sure I wasn’t fobbed off with antidepressants, blood tests (which tell you nothing about your constant changing hormone levels) and enough understanding about the NICE (National Institute for Health and Care) guidelines.
I booked an appointment with a female doctor who I discovered knew a bit more than many other doctors about the peri and menopause.
Many of my concerns went away when she totally agreed with everything I was saying.
I began to top up my hormones, sat my exam and passed!
I was starting to feel so much better and 3 years after that miserable dressage day I felt brave enough to trot back up that centre line as part of a team, and I remembered ALL the test. That ghost was put to bed and our test was lovely too.
Learning long arena tests still make me nervous and I can only learn one per outing at the moment, but I now feel like I can do this.
My brain is clear again, no more hot and itchy moments, my energy levels are up, my aches are much much less and I am enjoying life again. I am pretty much back to being my old self.
I hope this encourages women of a similar age and stage to do their research and see their doctor. The Balance App is a great resource which you can use to log symptoms and understand more about peri and menopause so you can be armed with knowledge before speaking to your doctor. Something so simple as topping up your hormones could help in so many ways.
By talking about perimenopause and menopause openly with men and woman of all ages, the next generation could be so much better prepared than mine is.
Caroline x
You can find useful resources below:
https://lizearlewellbeing.com/product/the-truth-about-hrt/
https://www.balance-menopause.com/menopause-library/
You can also listen to our podcast with Caroline – Riding the Menopause.