A few weeks ago, having stomped my way through the wind and rain to get into work, I had a catch up with Liz about a revelation that I had over night. No, I am not going to buy another horse, change career, or enter X Factor. My epiphany was one which caught me off guard and has helped me to raise myself out of my winter gloom and join back in with the world around me. I realised, that I want to be me again.
Liz and I have our best conversations over a cup of tea. When we are not together, this is normally over facetime, with her sitting on one side of her table, and me mirroring her at mine. We may not be in the same room, but it’s as close to an in person catch up as a virtual visit can be. She had video called me yesterday to ask if I was ok, as I didn’t seem myself. On reflection, I realised the ripple effect of not being the person I normally am – for myself as much as those around me. That’s not to say that there aren’t lots of very valid reasons for how I have felt. But ultimately I realised that the only way to stop those ripples and start to get my head above water was to take control of the situation a bit.
But that doesn’t mean I haven’t felt it. The gloom has niggled at my mood, and coupled with the hormonal changes after a hysterectomy, life challenges, work pressures and a whole load of other little things that all have collided, I have hit a bit of a brick wall. When Liz and I talked, I realised that the person that I think I am – the positive, enthusiastic, driven one – has been squelched like the mud that is everywhere.
As much as I don’t think I am a mood hoover, I’ve become a bit uncomfortable with myself – agonising over my reactions to things, worrying that I sound like a belated grinch, and not at all feeling like myself.
My tea cup at work says “Life is like a mirror. It will SMILE at you if you smile at it”. Well this appears to be true. My smile has turned upside down and it has felt like the world around me has frowned back.
So when we are all feeling worn out by the impact of life, weather and can’t see the sun for the rain, how do we move forward?
Well, my conversation with Liz helped me to realise that we have to be part of the change. Can we be laughing and smiling through the storms? Not necessarily, but that doesn’t mean we can’t try.
Science tells us that if you put a smile on your face – even a fake one – you start to trick your brain because it can’t feel miserable while smiling. We can challenge some of our own negative behaviour – rather than repeating negative thoughts we can challenge ourselves to change the way that we think.
For anyone who didn’t listen to Kerry’s session on Goal Setting with Fresh Focus Hypnotherapy, please listen to the recording. Because every bit of it rang true to me. Our mindset doesn’t just impact on us, it impacts on our horses, our friends and the outcomes we have in all our interactions.
When I thought back to the answers I’ve given to people who have asked recently how my day has been or how I feel, I have been saying “living the dream” with a tone of voice that absolutely does not tell anyone that my life is a dream. I’ve been reiterating to myself that I am not happy.
In Kerry’s download, the science behind how we respond made sense to me – my body has been telling me that I am neither relaxed, happy or calm. In hindsight, I genuinely think I have made myself more miserable than I needed to be! I know I have thought about how much better off Frankie or friends would be with someone “better”, more fun, more interesting. But when I’ve started to challenge myself I’ve remembered that Frankie has a good life with me that he enjoys. That my friends are my friends because of who I am – not because I’m a last resort when they don’t have anyone else. To use someone else’s comment on Kerry’s download – I am good enough! Full stop
I’ve now watched Kerry’s session twice – and I have really thought about how to challenge negative thoughts about myself, my riding, and the world. How I can take ownership of this, rather than needing others around me to do it for me. It isn’t fluffy, it isn’t meaningless – it’s an actual powerful thing that I can do for myself. And by being unapologetically and authentically me, I can have an impact on the people (and horses) around me.
I’ve completed Kerry’s worksheet, and I don’t mind sharing the new positive habits I am going to do…
- When I turn my computer on at work I am going to say out loud that ‘I am good at my job’.
- When I put my saddle on I am going to say out loud that ‘I am a good rider’.
- And when I finish brushing my teeth – morning and night, I am going to say out loud that ‘I am a good person who is happy and kind’.
So… lets kick the mud to the kerb, change our habits to positive ones, and help the sun break through the clouds for everyone else around us. We are EquiTeamers – and we have got this.
Gill x
