On a recent podcast with EquiTeam member Caeleigh Kean, something she said really struck a chord with me. There were so many brilliant and relevant snippets as Caeleigh wore her heart on her sleeve, but her admission of guilt for wanting to ride her horse bought back gut wrenching feelings that I thought I had buried a long time ago.
Caeleigh’s particular feelings of guilt came from wanting to ride again after an unlucky fall in which she badly hurt herself. The guilt for wanting to put herself back in that situation, on her horse, was playing heavily on her mind. But the feelings of wanting and ‘needing’ to jump again, alongside missing her hobby, was eating away at her piece by piece, and by her own admission were weighing on her mental health.
And the reason for her guilt? Her responsibilities! With two young children, a partner and a job – like many of us the balance had always been fragile – but after her accident it was hanging by a thread.
Having been called selfish on many occasions in a previous life these feelings really resonated with me.
It has taken a while, but I have come to the conclusion that having some ‘me’ time to do something that I love isn’t selfish – BUT there is a balance. And in my life, the balance is the key.
Having responsibilities, whether that is at work, with children, a dependable parent, or a partner is something that most of us will identify with.
Juggling and multitasking is something that we learn to be incredibly good at – and most of us compromise on elements of our hobby. An example being; that I’d love to be out competing, or riding my horse for hours every weekend – but that would impact hugely on everyone else around me, which then, for me, becomes a selfish ask and one I’m not willing to personally make.
I still compete and enjoy my horse – but I limit my ‘me time’ and fit it in around others, which is the balance part. I don’t feel like I’m compromising because I love my time with my family and I still get to do what I love.
But, no matter how you look at it, horses are a big commitment; should we feel guilty for our time spent riding?
Everyone is different and will have a different viewpoint on this and the truth is – there is no right or wrong answer. A lot of it will depend on your own circumstances.
I have discovered through my own experiences, and through chatting to clients, that alongside the balance and sharing of time, the feeling of guilt is the tip of the iceberg – it is also connected to the levels of possible risk.
When you ride you have to accept a certain level of risk. This comes with our sport. If you don’t want that risk there is no shame in that, but you need to be honest with yourself about what is acceptable to you.
Everyone has a different perception of risk. Some may find cantering in open spaces an unnecessary risk, while for others it might be jumping, or going cross country. But getting on any horse thinking that you’re going to hurt yourself all the time is mentally hard work and saps all of the fun out of your hobby.
A statement I hear a lot, is ‘I can’t afford to get hurt’. When pressed, the reasoning is usually the same ‘If I got hurt physically, it would impact not just financially, but on everyone else around me and the feelings of guilt would be unbearable.’
This connects to your confidence and the ‘what if’s’ that are often discussed.
For me, the balance of time, alongside the acceptance of the right amount of risk for me, is essential to keeping the feelings of being selfish under wraps, to then allow me to enjoy the moments I do spend doing my hobby.
Liz x
Listen to Caeleigh’s podcast here
