My husband, Stevie, recently gifted two jumpers that I have wanted for a while. They are not my normal choice of clothes, but they have a message on them for the person standing behind me. Whilst wearing them last week, a personal and meaningful conversation started about them, and it made me wonder how we impact the people around us without noticing.
Two years ago we lost two young people who were really important to us. Both young men, who were very loved and are missed greatly. The first had been the object of awful social media bullying for reasons that should not be an issue in these times – whether it is sexuality, beliefs or physical appearance, we should never make someone feel isolated because of their choices.
The second was my wonderful “nephew” (in the way that us Scots can be aunties to our good friends’ children) who I miss every single day. We don’t know why he made the decision he did, and I’m not sure I will ever recover from it – and neither will my children. His death changed our lives in ways that I never would have imagined, and I wish he could have known how loved he was.
In the weird way that things happen, I got the completely out of the blue phone call about his death when one of my friends was in the car in front of me with her partner as we drove away from a lesson. I don’t think she will ever really understand how much it meant that she was there, in front of me. I know she kept me calm, drove my car, took my horse and all while coping with my hysteria… she made me feel safe.
Over the last couple of years since then, there have been lots of different situations – good ones and not so good ones, and when I look at who has been standing behind me, or in front of me, I know who has been supportive, kind, understanding when needed. I also know who has given me a well needed kick up the bum, a word of encouragement, or prompted me to think about what is in my gift to change. Some friendships have changed and ended, some have grown and strengthened and some have stayed constant and true. And all of those have happened for the right reasons I think!
EquiTeam has – and continues to be – a huge part of that for me. Not just the safety of knowing I have the resources and horsey advice that I need when I need it… and not just the wonderful friends that I have made within this group. EquiTeam has also given me a safe space to be part of when I’ve needed it.
I know there are people in front of me, ready to lead the way, take over the reins for a bit when I need them to, or to support me when I’m losing my direction a bit. I love learning from others, and this wonderful group gives me that in bucketloads.
There are also those who stand beside me, whether they are chatting while I cook at camp, or messaging me out of the blue reminding me that I’m part of a network. They may not be people I see every day, but they are definitely “my people” in the same way that some of my other friends are.
But I hope there are also people standing behind me, getting something in turn from what I share with the world. Whether it is a laugh and a giggle, some support, or reassurance that they are doing amazing even if it doesn’t feel like it, I hope that I make a difference in the little ways.
My jumper says:
"Dear person behind me, the world is a better place with you in it. Love the person in front of you.”
As the 4th July rolls around and my nephew’s anniversary approaches, I feel incredibly fortunate to have amazing friends and EquiTeamers in front of me, and behind me. I hope I make the world a better place for the people around me, and I’m sure you do too.
Gill x
